I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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