you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
