it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
