I'm lost and stupid without you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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