It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
