I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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