Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
