Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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