Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
