i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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