Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
