The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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