my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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