I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
