bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
