wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
