Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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