my phone needs a breathalizer
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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