All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
