the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
