I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
