What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
