The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
