i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
