Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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