if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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