I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
