I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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