week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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