probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
