if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
