I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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