just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
organizing the empties. That sober.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
