Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
