So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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