If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
