On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
