Im at strip club and am horny
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
