Screwed.edu
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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