i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
