The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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