a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
