hell yes lets make some ravioli
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
