finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
