Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
