I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
