So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
