you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
