you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
