remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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