Apparently you make a good broom.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
