I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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