I wannas sexs uuuuu
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
