She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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