Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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